better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Sext me about skeletons
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
