Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
