Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
