Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
