how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
