I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
