I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
