Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
