That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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