I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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