I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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