We won't sleep together?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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