Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
