We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
