Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
