whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
