Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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