Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
