John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
