It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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