Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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