yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
