Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
