Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
