My cat gives me a boner
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
