Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
