the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
