We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
