WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
