I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
