I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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