well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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