I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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