She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
