Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
