my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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