I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
