we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
