I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
