Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
