Cold hands, warm shart.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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