1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
