You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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