Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
