um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
