it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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