It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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