I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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