he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
