we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
