My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
