We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
